a new season

About 4 years ago, I was {what I would call}, actively creating.  Also, around that time I got sick.  Dealing with those challenges, I realized I could not focus on my family and have the ambition I usually have for my craft and business.  I made a conscious decision to lay it down and simply focus on the day to day.  Laundry, dinner, ballet class, school projects, soccer practice, dishes, diapers, sleep, you get the idea...  

When it comes to art, I fully commit.  I know myself too well, and to fully lay it down meant I could not flirt with it.  I needed to abstain in order to not find myself waking up in it's arms wondering what the heck happened! ;)

So I tried.  I dropped my photography biz and suddenly... I noticed our family albums got fuller!   We completely gutted, redesigned and decorated our new home.  Then, my craving for interior design returned!  So, I tried focused on cooking nutritional meals for my family.  Then, I started writing recipes... then styling my food... and taking pictures of them!  I began to heavily research health & nutrition.   I even considered getting licensed and starting a blog.  One day,  I woke up and thought, 'this isn't me'.  I like cooking, but honestly, I didn't feel fulfilled.  

No matter how hard I tried to wall up my creative drive, it always found a way to come through... Then I realized, art and design isn't something I do... it's who I am.

                                                Pictures from our summer vacation in St. Augustine, FL.

I have slowly come to a resolution that if I am to be an artist and a mom, I have a great responsibility to balance both at the same time.  One doesn't have to suffer.  I have to be a parent, and then I have to turn around and parent my childish behaviors of staying up till 3am to work on jewelry, or tweaking pictures... or managing all the demands of customers during family time... or choosing to be a hermit and forget that I need social interaction. ;)

Last summer, I felt a bud pushing up through the cement.  A new season.  I felt the go-ahead, to have faith in myself again.  To trust that I can find balance.  So with much thought, I have decided to reopen Modern Mama Jewelry, which is an expression of art that I have gravitated to the most.  I have felt an enormous release while silversmithing and I have hardly scratched the surface!  It might get bumpy from time to time, but I believe this year will be the best yet.  

What is it that you are most fearful about?  Can you trust yourself to step out? :)

-Lindsey